There's No Failure, Only Experimentation in the Eyes of Chiron in Leo
"Failure doesn't even exist, it's just a made up word with a bad connotation. A better word is experimentation. At their core they're the same thing, but the latter holds a positive connotation. It implies curiosity, & novelty. The means by which truth can be discovered." Stoic Reflections
To take center stage in this performance called life, one must face the spotlight and the shadows.
On November 1, 1977, asteroid 2060 was presented with an opportunity to be discovered by humanity. This 200 km diameter rock is Chiron, travelling an eccentric orbit crossing Saturn and just inside Uranus.
Chiron was the wisest of all centaurs in Greek mythology. He was educated and raised by Apollo and Artemis – he was confident in medicine, prophecy, and hunting. In those days, he was a renowned teacher who mentored some of the greatest heroes.
Chiron died when a poisoned arrow was flung, accidentally, by Hercules. The wound poisoned by Hydra-venom was incurable, Chiron relinquished his immortality. Zeus placed him amongst the cosmos, nestled in the constellation Sagittarius.
In the modern age, he mentors us to heal a deep pain or fear that has been inflicted. Our natal charts provide us with a map of this magical quest to deeply understand ourselves, recognize our true power, and celebrate our deepest creative forces.
Chiron chose not to heal so that we could understand what happens when we let wounds fester. We can rebuild and find wisdom in the depths of darkness, but only by choice. We can sit in our pain, let it direct our awareness and inflict harm on others. Or we can use it to understand our role in this physical realm and make Earth a healthier planet.
His awakening is a marvel. As Barbara Hand Clow says in Chiron Rainbow Bridge Between The Inner and Outer Planets, “The process matters as much as the end result.” She also mentions throughout the book, Chiron is the bridge between the inner and outer planets – the internal and physical world. We need Chiron, right now, to help us grow. He can help us become aware of the plagues and distractions that block us from creating the reality we are all worthy of.
There can be much of a focus on Chiron in the individual chart, but we cannot deny the role this asteroid, and myth have amongst the collective.
To explore this narrative, I want to share my story of Chiron in Leo.
A Portrayal of The Dark Night of The Soul
My dark night of the soul was hiding my writing and authentic expression from the public, my relationships, and myself. It began when I was a kid - I had a challenging childhood. Silence was the easy answer, but with age, began to tear me apart.
I used to always journal, little thoughts and poems in colourful booklets paired with doodles. Over the course of some life events and “growing up”, I stopped writing, I didn’t make art, I kept my head down and did what society deemed as successful. Writing felt more like a pain I was inflicting on myself than something to bring joy.
For many years, I envied other people’s success. I did not feel there was enough space in the world for all the writers and artists. I projected this insecurity by staying away from people who inspired me. I figured I was not good enough to achieve the levels of victory they did. But who is defining success? Why was I searching outside myself for validation? Because that’s the world we live in. Do we really do a good job if someone doesn’t notice it?
When I started my journey of self-discovery, I did not know who Chiron was or his role in our human experience. It’s interesting to reflect on how Chiron in Leo, helped me to celebrate my talents and gifts. It also helped me show that there is enough room for all of us, and if I keep my gifts to myself out of fear and judgment, I’m not making the world a better place. I’m harming myself and others. I didn’t want to be staging a monologue.
I had to mute the outside world for a bit to understand what was being conveyed. I discovered poetry can help me heal my wound of talent, but it can also help others. I’ve led workshops where people share they are reconnecting with a lost part of themselves, or they found hope in a pain they’ve been living with. This, is a gift of Chiron.
Chiron didn’t want me to hoard this knowledge – it wanted me to share it. But the first step was understanding how and why this wound has been festering inside me for so long. And why was it showing up so vividly now?
A fascinating aspect in my chart is the Apollo asteroid is conjunct Chiron. In 2019/2020 when I was feeling this longing of being a creative writer again, I looked to my long-lost love of poetry. I began reading modern and classical poets. I asked for guidance from Apollo to support me in using my voice, without even “understanding deity work” or what I was even doing. Since I was a kid, I had a fond appreciation for Apollo’s gifts. I was in awe at a world where poetry was a daily expression.
I was entering my Saturn return; little did I know. This placement opposes Chiron and Apollo in my chart. I could have easily kept my head down and said no to this opportunity for self-discovery and understanding of humankind, but the desire to live was too strong.
It was in the process where I found my gift of poetry and writing and chose to take wholesome pride in them. Deciding to enjoy my life and awakening this new identity.
Writing, a Presence Taking Center Stage
One of the key moments of soothing this injury of talent was when I started writing again. A spark started, but I kept snuffing it out.
The first time I attended a virtual writing workshop in 2020, the teacher was calling out people to share their work. “Don’t pick me” repeated in my mind – well they did choose me. I was trembling from sharing the few lines I wrote during this freewrite. I felt like my writing my rubbish and I was waiting for people to respond with how awful the piece was, or how I was not a writer.
Guess what? They didn’t react like that at all. They said welcome to the group and mentioned things they liked about the piece I shared. I embody this in every workshop I host – we don’t offer criticism, we offer support. Leave the literary reviews to the gatekeepers.
I saw, there was healing to be done here, and I was curious to be seen. What was I so afraid of initially? Failure. Judgement. Not being perfect or good enough. The dark side of not only Chiron, but also Leo.
Leo can choose to live a life that is perfectly curated to other people’s needs and expectations. This reaction can also show up for Libra (natal rising), and arguably even Sagittarius (natal Sun, Moon, Mars, Mercury). When one believes everyone deserves space to soar, one might make themselves small to ensure there is enough room.
I had to break down this fear with the world so that I could begin to separate and filter the products of life experience that built up these walls to shield me from vulnerability. All the years of “joking” that I had no emotions was not supporting the life I craved.
As more shadows seemed to resurface, it felt like I was going backwards, but I was moving forward, with compassion and integrality. I was purifying this wound through an unseen alchemical process in my spirit and mind.
The Alchemical Process Of Chiron’s Wisdom
In alchemy, sometimes we must go back and repeat steps to bring clarity to the substance we are transforming.
Learning about my inner child and adolescence, I could see how this wound started. I didn’t make “good enough” art to go to art class, my English grades weren’t good enough for advanced English or university, and I was nowhere near the calibre of genius for science class.
As I got older, I realized I was not seeking approval from others, but I was seeking approval from myself. To embrace my skin, words, passions, and inner fire. I may have grown up being told I wasn’t good enough, but I would be dammed if I let my 30s be filled with being told what I should do and why.
I’m out to prove, I have nothing to prove.
I merged my fears with my joys and I started hosting writing and poetry workshops, under the title Word Alchemy. I’ve helped friends and the community start writing and sharing their words in a public space. I stand in front of a group of people and support them in their practice.
I am constantly testing the strength of this new solution (being seen in the public eye, expressing myself, and being a leader). But without the merging of this dark night of the soul, Chiron and my 11th house, I wouldn’t be here, with you all right now.
Confronting and accepting Chiron may be difficult, it is not supposed to be stress-free. But I want you to know you’re cosmically and physically supported through it all. Your gifts are exactly what others need to help understand their place in this realm.
You can turn your Chiron into gold and construct a magnificent theatre that celebrates each and every facet of humanity. Even if it looks like nothing that has been built before.
